How to Be a Great Parent When Your Family is Dysfunctional
Parenting is no easy task, but throw in a little dysfunction in the family and it becomes even more challenging. Disfunction can cause extra stress and anxiety. It can even create a rift between you and your children, making it hard to reach them in order to parent properly. Dysfunctional families can still have great parents. If you’re feeling stressed about working under such conditions, we’ve got some great tips to help out. Here you’ll find everything you need to know about being a great parent even when everyone’s dysfunctional.
Be Patient
Dysfunction can get on your nerves, especially when no-one seems to be cooperating and the weight of fixing everyone’s issues seems to fall on your shoulders. Dysfunction creates chaos, which, in turn, makes the life of a parent a living hell. This is where patience comes in. Most storms only seem like they last forever. Sometimes the best thing to do is just wait it out rather than try to navigate it. A dysfunctional family likely won’t come to an accord in the middle of an argument, so being patient is a great skill to have especially when it comes to kids.
Kids pick up on dysfunction, whether it’s in the parents’ relationship with each other or other members of the family. This can cause them to lash out at people, act out in school or at home, or withdraw entirely. If you can’t seem to reach your child, be patient with them. It’s easy to get upset when they won’t open up, but the truth is, this kind of behavior only serves to make the problem worse. Dysfunction created the problem. You must be patient if you want to solve it.
Identify the Dysfunction and its Cause
If you’re fighting an enemy you know nothing about, more than likely, you’ll lose. Whatever the cause of your family’s dysfunction is, a crucial component to uniting the family and being a great parent is identifying what the dysfunction is and what’s causing it to begin with. Maybe no one in your family trusts one another; why is that? Perhaps no one can have a civil conversation. Is that because they all have short tempers? Deep-rooted resentment? Some other cause? Knowing the what and the why are vital to reducing the dysfunction and getting things back on track.
It’s also helpful to be able to explain certain things to your children. The dysfunction could be very confusing (and therefore stressful) for your child. The last thing you want to do is keep them in the dark, especially a teenager. If you and your spouse or significant other are arguing non-stop, your teen deserves to at least know why. You might be surprised at how understanding and insightful a child can be when it comes to these situations.
Focus on Parenting Instead of the Dysfunction
The reason why many parents find that dysfunction prevents them from being a good parent is that it’s a distraction. When the world around you is in chaos, it’s a challenge to stay focused on one thing. But in the case of parenting, it’s crucial to do so. Focus on being the best parent you possibly can despite the chaos. When you’re not parenting, work on finding the cause of the dysfunction and fixing it.
Get Help
There’s a good chance that your dysfunctional family could truly benefit from some time with a family counselor or individual counseling. These professionals will help you identify the cause of the dysfunction as well as what each family member adds to it. Identifying these patterns can mean the difference between solving the issues and letting them fester for years to come which quickly develops into much more negative and damaging emotions. There’s no shame in asking for help. Although your family members may be resistant at first, there’s a good chance they’ll welcome the help once they begin making progress.
There are also community outreach programs that can offer help to families in need, even when it comes to covering the cost of treatment. One thing is for certain; when it comes to parenting, the less chaos there is in your life, the easier the task is. No parent should have to bear the burden of fixing a dysfunctional parent while simultaneously taking on everything that comes with being a parent. Don’t be afraid to ask for help!
The Bottom Line
Parenting is tough, but dysfunction makes it tougher. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you’re struggling, and talk with your family members about the cause of the dysfunction. Communication is the key to unlocking the issues at hand and creating a brighter future for your family.
Tips contributed by G.Wilkinson